Wade in the Water

I always thought to 'wade' in the water meant that you were in the water, not really doing anything there, just in it. After looking up the word 'wade'; I found it means---to walk in water, when partially immersed or to pass through or to go or proceed. However, never did it says stop.

I woke up a couple of weeks ago singing "Wade in the Water". I went to work singing it that day. I could not get it out of my head. I only know one part of that song, so that is the part that played over and over. I cannot tell you how it brought me comfort that day and I didn't even fully understand why.

Through the years I have had this recurring dream about waves. In the first dream, I can see the huge waves coming. As they get closer I feel fear kick-in because I have never seen waves this big before. I sit on the sand dune and watch-----I cannot move nor can I take my eyes off the wave. It is not the fear that stops me from moving but the beauty in the wave. For in this wave I can see so much. I can see sea turtles, fish, whales, and many other things you only find in the ocean. As the wave gets closer I cannot see the beauty as much as now I feel the need to make a choice to run away or stay. A peace comes over me as I hear the words 'This wave will not over take you.' So in that....I choose to stay. As I sit on this sand dune and the waves get closer, I am so amazed at the sight of it all that I almost don't even notice the man that now sits beside me. He starts telling me something about the waves but the only thing I can hear or remember is that HE said ' They will not harm me'. So we sit and watch. At some point the waves get so close that I can feel the water spray on my face as the wave drops in front of me. At some point I want to get up and move back but my friend holds my hand and tells me again it will be ok. There is comfort in his words so I take my place in the sand next to him, still holding his hand. We sit there talking and watching the waves. There is peace with this man. I wish when I woke up I could remember what we were talking about but I don't. That dream was the first of my 'wave' dreams. It happened many years ago and at a time I did not walk with Jesus but I did know him. I do believe Jesus was my friend on the beach. I didn't understand that dream however, it has always stayed with me. Even after the other dreams came. I can still close my eyes and think back to all of them and remember most of every detail of the dreams.

What they all mean I still don't know but I do know is that I am thinking about them more and more these days. I am finding comfort in these dreams. To think that even when I was away from God.....He was there with me.....telling me what was to come.....letting me know that 'we' would make it through.

So Lord as I wade through the water.......I thank you for showing me that you are still there holding my hand. Isa 43:2 says "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the the rivers, they will not sweep over you."

Do Good

I will be the first to tell you I am an over the top kind of person. There are not many things I do on the low key. I am loud, straight forward, and at times to quick to jump. I am slow to anger when it comes to things you do to me. I am more out to jump when my family or friends are attacked or hurt. I am sure of who I am and what is in my heart. I do not feel I need to prove myself to anyone or I do not feel the need to defend myself. I do have a heart and it does hurt from time to time. I do not show or share that with everyone-----so if you have seen it you are one of the few. That has been something I have been working on over the last year.



God says to wait on HIM. He has been telling me to rest in HIM. That HE will have to last word. I have done all I can do to keep quite about the whole lot of this stuff except for two people I vent to. One of which I just got the phone with (and I really hate it when you are right). I know what need to do. Why I don't do those things is beyond me. I reckon I now understand Paul in--'Romans 7:15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate.' Not that I have done anything yet but I feel it there and am trying my best to die to the flesh. I feel like I'm in a whirlwind sometimes. I have to lose control of myself and let God but that is about the scariest thing to me----to not have control of myself. Now this is were my trust and faith lay-----if I trust God loves me----then HE will work it out for good. So, do I trust enough to let God have total control?


Galatians 6:9And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. This screams to me but to very honest I am so tired. I want it all just to go away. I am tired of doing good, tired of hurting, and tired of seeing the hurt in others. I'm tired of trying to get understanding of what my mind just cannot grab. I'm ready to walk on and let the wound heal with no more salt being dumped in. I was told 'Florida was not the answer'. I know in many ways this is right but it is also the one place I feel truly loved for who and what I am. It is the one place where I feel the closest to God. I guess that is why it is my answer---I want to run home.


I know, Lord------This to shall pass but I really need to see a little of you in it all.

Stop the World...I Need Off

Somedays I just feel like I need the world to stop so I can get off. So much has happened in the last couple of month that it kinda has my head spinning. Somedays I want to cry, somedays yell, somedays hit something or better yet someone, and somedays just run away. I remember Lindy use to say " Could you just stop the world, so I can get off for awhile." I now understand totally what she meant by that.
I got a message from God today. He wants me to know "Just rest for a moment. It's OK. Yes, things are crazy, yes, the world is going nuts. Yet, deep underneath the stormy waves, there, in the core of your being, there is pure silence, pure love. And ... it's ... just ... OK." How do we just rest in HIM??? I think that is what I am doing but not always sure. To rest in HIM......I need to rest............

A Time

John 8:36 " So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." I cannot tell you the joy that brings to my soul!! To be free from the hurt. To not carry the pain. To stop all the questions of "what if "? To be free to love and be loved. How great it is!! Over the last year and a half I have many moments of freedom. I was sharing this yesterday with a friend I haven't talk to in awhile. As I shared the joy jumped all over me and I just about ran the house. It was great.

Don't get me wrong-----I have had many tears too. For me, that in itself is a big deal but in the end I WIN with Jesus! I hold on to that it me hard times. There is a time for everything ( Ecc. 3:2-8)-----sometimes we have to live in that time and let our friends live in it-----whatever that time maybe. I have learned not to question 'why this time is here' and just live in the time. To feel the joy , we have to feel the sadness. To feel the love we have to feel the pain. To have the laugh, we have to wipe the tears.

So whatever time you may be in hold on to the Love of God and know this too shall pass.

Lifted My Soul

Have you ever been punched in the gut so hard it takes your breathe away?A couple of months ago I was hit. It took my breathe away. It was a hard hit. As soon as I felt my breathe coming back I was hit again. I had lost my joy and couldn't seem to get it back. I just wanted to breath again. God told me a couple of weeks ago " it is done ". I thought "cool, tomorrow I will wake up and I'll have joy again!" It didn't work that way. I have learned that I had to do the right thing even if I didn't feel like it. I had to forgive and be forgiven. I have to seek HIM in all things. Through this all I haven't spent much time seeking HIM. I have prayed for the one that threw the punch but that is about all.
Today I went to church. It is Easter Sunday so I knew things would be different and the place would be packed. I almost didn't go. As I sat there and watched everyone file in, God told me to look to the right. There she was---my God-given sister. She was late and God sat her right on the front row. I thought----she looks nice today and I sure miss her. As the service went on God started to deal with my heart. Actully it start sometime in the middle of the night because I woke up with her on my mind. HE told me, 'I need to ask her for her forgiveness', 'tell her you are sorry', 'tell her you love her and she will always be your sister'. Well my first thought was ' I need her forgiveness!' 'No Lord, I think not.' HE would not leave it alone. HE was all over me. I was shaking inside and out. I didn't want to say those things and to go over there I would have to walk across the front of the church with I have no idea how many people watching. Pastor was talking about something and then there was going to be another song. I told God I can't go with Pastor talking; God said when they start singing-----YOU GO.
The song started-----I got up----started walking----I almost ran. God helped me get the words out. Before I left my seat I felt the healing begin. I asked her to forgive me. I told her 'I loved her and she always be my sister.' I held on to her and cried. I didn't want to let her go but I knew I had to. As I walked back to my seat I knew I was SET FREE and my JOY was back!!
I don't know what God has in store for us but HE knows! I don't know where HE will lead me. I don't know if I will feel sad anymore about this all but I know the ONE who does know! He has a plan---Jer.29:11-14 and it is all good----Romans 8:28!!!

Shells

I was walking on the beach yesterday with my favorite girl and her friend. A storm had come through the day before so we went looking for some shells. Storms will usually blow shells on the shore. The kids thought all the shells were beautiful------it didn't matter if they were broken or not whole-----they were happy to find such a treasure. Me on the other hand-----I was looking for the whole shells. I grew up on the beach and had seen it all before. I had lost the ability in seeing the beauty in the broken. At that moment God spoke to my heart------He said "Look at these shells. They are like MY children. Some are small, some are large, some look young and some were old, all are different in size and color, some are whole and some are broken but ALL are BEAUTIFUL in MY eyes." As I walked, and watch the kids getting happier and happier in each shell they found, God said " Paula you were once a broken shell. Yet, you are beautiful in my sight. When I found you , I was happy in the treasure I had found. I picked you up, brushed off the sand, I said 'I can make this whole again'. I put you in my pocket and took you home with me and Paula that is where your life began." He told me to look at the broken shells---"these are my hurting children---find the beauty in them again, Paula---for in loving them you will be made whole."

Thank you Lord, for the 'broken shells' in my life.