Special Needs

I have worked as an educational assistant in the school system where I live for 5 years now. For 4 years I have worked with students with learning disabilities. This is my 3td year in a high school, having a learning disability myself, I can really relate to these students. The first year in the high school I had to be tough. Setting boundaries and keeping them set, that way the students knew what I would and would not do. The second year was a little more relaxed because I knew the students better and they knew me. I was looking forward to working with a group of students in their junior year of high school. Not long ago they were the freshmen I had to be so tough with.

A week before school was to start I got an early morning phone call from the principal telling me she was moving me into the Life Skill room. SHOCKED was an understatement! My first thought was "Why?" A question to which the only answer was "I fit the building", whatever that means. I got off the phone and was upset to say the least. I thought about all the work I had done with some students. I thought about all the teachers I enjoyed woking with. I thought about how I hated to be trapped in ONE room all day. I thought about PAULA, PAULA, PAULA and I cried for the things I would miss.

Now, in case you don't know, Life Skills is students with special needs or multiple handicaps. As I started the year I was doing my best to put a smile on my face and go on with life. The first day of school was hard because I wanted to be in the halls. I wanted to see all the students from the last 2 years I had worked with. I wanted to see how they had grown and what kind of summer they had. I didn't want to be trapped in this room! If I can be real........I didn't WANT to be changing diapers or wiping someone's face because they drool. I wanted to be where I thought I can make a difference in someone's life.

As the days passed, I went to work and did the best job I could do. Still not wanting to be there, even if the teacher and other assistant were happy to have me. I wanted to like it but the truth is........I didn't. There were moments I laughed, moments we had had fun and I have to say I never knew what was going to happen so I'm not bored. My heart just wasn't in there. One day I prayed about it. I said "Lord, why am I in this room?" I heard Him speak to me heart and this is what He said "Does it matter why you are here?" I thought, "I guess not" and the days went by. I watched the other assistant, she is so sweet. She loves all the students in there and it shows. She speaks so sweet, so loving to one student when we have to change diapers. The love just beams off her and I say in my heart "I want that kind of love for this student". Then one day I hear my Papa say to me..... "Do all things as unto me. These are my children, take care of them, for I love them so". Sitting in church on Sunday He reminds me of Matthew 25:34-40...........When we do for one of God's children, we do for God. As I love the "special" students....I am loving God. As I touch the face of the student that doesn't talk or walk, I touch God's face. As I show love to them, I show love to God.

There are still days that some of the things I have to do in the room are hard for me and times I feel silly talking to someone that I'm not even sure that can hear. Yet, still I hear Matthew 25:34-40 in my heart. I hear my Papa say "love these students because I am especially fond of them". So I stopped thinking about Paula and started loving Papa. I don't think the love beams off me like my friend but everyday that is my goal..........To let the love of Jesus beam through me of all people.

New Eyes

Today is Friday! A day I look forward to every week. A day that no matter what happens I smile because I have 2 days of NO time clock! A day that use to mean 'jean day' a little thing that made so many happy. This Friday started like all the rest. I hit the snooze button many times, until I had to get up. I got my coffee(a little joy in the morning), let the dogs out and feed them, and showered. The kids were up and moving, all was well in the Nelson house. Yet, as I dressed I did not look forward to coming to work. I felt a heaviness come upon me,that I have to say I can't stand! I did not look forward to seeing some that I would much rather slap. The fakeness, rudeness, and the cloud of unhappiness that seems to hover here. I didn't pray. I didn't read. I just got dressed. As I was clocking in I was talking with a beautiful friend that said she had read Titus 3 this morning and it had helped her see through new eyes. So, I went to read it. It starts with " Remind the people to be subject to rules and authorities, to be obedient....." to be honest I STOPPED right there. That was not what I wanted to read this morning. My friend said read on you will get it. Later, I read on. It talks about how 'once we, too, were foolish and disobedient'. It goes on to say "4But—“When God our Savior revealed his kindness and love,5 he saved us, not because of the righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us a new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit.6 He generously poured out the Spirit upon us through Jesus Christ our Savior. 7 Because of his grace he declared us righteous and gave us confidence that we will inherit eternal life.” 8 This is a trustworthy saying, and I want you to insist on these teachings so that all who trust in God will devote themselves to doing good. These teachings are good and beneficial for everyone" I stopped right in my tracks. I thought about this for awhile. I was once lost, hateful, foolish and disobedient(and to be honest I still struggle with the last two) but Jesus never gave up, walked away, or stopped loving me. He has brought me a LONG way from where I was or who I could have been. Even though I have a hard time with those in authority of where I work I have to trust in the one that saved me. I have to put my faith in Him. I have to pray for those people in stead of dreaming about the day they fall. I have to find the good in something or the injustice will eat away at me. Yep I have to see things with new eyes. The eyes of Jesus who tells me almost everyday....."Hurting people hurt others".

So if you are reading this and are a praying person, please remember me. That I will see through the eyes of Jesus.