A dark place

Have you been in a dark room? You know…so dark you can't see your hand in front of your face? Even if you are grown, it's a scary place to be. A room with no light. Your mind starts to wonder, your ears start to hear noises you know are not there. You may even think you feel someone or something in the room with you. The next thing you know your heart is pounding. You may start to sweat. Your not sure to run or wait it out. You just want to see some light. It's a feeling no one likes. There are times life feels this way. As you grow, you find yourself in different rooms of life. The growing room…where we grow from babies, to children, to teens, to young adults, to middle age, and to seasoned adults. There's the learning room…mostly school, we usually can't wait to get out of that room. The play room…we try to always live here. That's the room with no stress, no bills, no jobs, just playing whatever we want to play, not a care in the world. The waiting room…yep, we're waiting. Waiting for a phone call, a job interview, paperwork, the bell to ring, a doctor, a friend, a child, a parent………just waiting. There are many rooms of life, but what about the dark room? People don't like to talk much about that room. It's dark, it's scary, it's lonely and it's not much fun. The dark room is that place in life where you just don't know what to do next. A place where you feel like you have given your all and still fall short. You know there should be change, you know something needs to change but how do you bring change? The dark room, where sometimes you run to and sometimes you get thrown into it. The place were you want to scream and kick but you're not sure just at what. The dark room where you wonder where everyone is. Are you alone? Does anyone care that your there? Have others been here too? How do you get out? Is it even safe to come out? Is God here? You haven't spoke to Him in so long, so you really don't know. You know He still loves you and yet you feel so alone. The dark room, a place you fight so hard to stay out of and yet here you are. Lately, I feel like I am in the dark room. Some days I walked in here and some days I feel thrown in. Either way, here I am. The loss of a friend, the loss of a fur baby, life changing at all ends, a marriage stuck………………the feeling of trying to get free of this dark place and yet it grips you stronger. So much going on in the inside. How do I let go and let God? How do I pray when it feels like my words hit the ceiling and fall back on me? In my weakness…………where do I fall? How do I fall? How do I let go? What is right? What is wrong? How do I walk in Christ when I'm not sure I can walk at all right now. The dark room………………