I have worked as an educational assistant in the school system where I live for 5 years now. For 4 years I have worked with students with learning disabilities. This is my 3td year in a high school, having a learning disability myself, I can really relate to these students. The first year in the high school I had to be tough. Setting boundaries and keeping them set, that way the students knew what I would and would not do. The second year was a little more relaxed because I knew the students better and they knew me. I was looking forward to working with a group of students in their junior year of high school. Not long ago they were the freshmen I had to be so tough with. A week before school was to start I got an early morning phone call from the principal telling me she was moving me into the Life Skill room. SHOCKED was an understatement! My first thought was "Why?" A question to which the only answer was "I fit the building", whatever that means. I got off the phone and was upset to say the least. I thought about all the work I had done with some students. I thought about all the teachers I enjoyed woking with. I thought about how I hated to be trapped in ONE room all day. I thought about PAULA, PAULA, PAULA and I cried for the things I would miss.
Now, in case you don't know, Life Skills is students with special needs or multiple handicaps. As I started the year I was doing my best to put a smile on my face and go on with life. The first day of school was hard because I wanted to be in the halls. I wanted to see all the students from the last 2 years I had worked with. I wanted to see how they had grown and what kind of summer they had. I didn't want to be trapped in this room! If I can be real........I didn't WANT to be changing diapers or wiping someone's face because they drool. I wanted to be where I thought I can make a difference in someone's life.
As the days passed, I went to work and did the best job I could do. Still not wanting to be there, even if the teacher and other assistant were happy to have me. I wanted to like it but the truth is........I didn't. There were moments I laughed, moments we had had fun and I have to say I never knew what was going to happen so I'm not bored. My heart just wasn't in there. One day I prayed about it. I said "Lord, why am I in this room?" I heard Him speak to me heart and this is what He said "Does it matter why you are here?" I thought, "I guess not" and the days went by. I watched the other assistant, she is so sweet. She loves all the students in there and it shows. She speaks so sweet, so loving to one student when we have to change diapers. The love just beams off her and I say in my heart "I want that kind of love for this student". Then one day I hear my Papa say to me..... "Do all things as unto me. These are my children, take care of them, for I love them so". Sitting in church on Sunday He reminds me of Matthew 25:34-40...........When we do for one of God's children, we do for God. As I love the "special" students....I am loving God. As I touch the face of the student that doesn't talk or walk, I touch God's face. As I show love to them, I show love to God.
There are still days that some of the things I have to do in the room are hard for me and times I feel silly talking to someone that I'm not even sure that can hear. Yet, still I hear Matthew 25:34-40 in my heart. I hear my Papa say "love these students because I am especially fond of them". So I stopped thinking about Paula and started loving Papa. I don't think the love beams off me like my friend but everyday that is my goal..........To let the love of Jesus beam through me of all people.
